I try to comprehend how my life choices brought me here wondering what I could’ve done differently and how to move forward with what I have left. Everyone that has entered my life has left some thing, but also taken something away. Not always positive. I often wonder who I was before they came and if I will ever find that person again once they are gone. I do not recognize the person in the mirror anymore. I stare looking for a glimpse of who I was, but she no longer exists. So now I struggle yet again to make sense of it all and decide where to go from here. Needing to begin again, hoping this time to not make the same mistakes as before. For me living guarded is not really living. I try to be a giver of smiles even when mine are being taken, but in the cruelty of this world I must view life with a different perspective in order to give Hazel a chance to be set free and to recognize herself in the mirror. Then and only then will the smile looking back be her own.