Apprehension

Five months ago on October 26, 2020 my world came to a crashing halt. Silence fell, fell so hard it was deafening and it shook me to my core. The darkness over took everything. I was left broken in a million pieces with no real comprehension of the toll to be taken and more alone than I have ever been. I prayed every day for the light to come back or the darkness to be permanent. Out of sight out of mind is not reality when the memories reside in your heart and are burned into your soul. They only become an every day torture that you cannot escape from. I stood idly by watching the madness unfold. Feeling even more helpless knowing that you could not escape from it either. Now as there becomes tears in the darkness and the light is starting to shine through I am faced with uncertainty and fear rears its ugly head. What was once a blessing became a curse. And I am unsure if I am willing to allow that to become a part of my world again. The allowance of happiness, if only temporary, is more than I can bear. Trust has been broken and security shattered. I am deserving of so much more, as are you, but maybe not in the same journey.

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