Inferno

Please take my hand before I slip away. Before all of my strength is exhausted. I have held on for so long on my own, but I am so tired now. I feel my will breaking and my light going dim. This pain has become an inferno that is burning me to the core. My reality has turned into a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I know you see me. I know you feel my pain. I know you hear my screams. Why won’t you reach for me? Why must you turn away as if I am a stranger? Even a stranger deserves mercy. Does your lack of care make it easier for you to except the desolation you have bestowed on me? Live in your world. See things as you will. As I fade into ashes let the fire remind you of what I once was and what is still burning inside of you…

No Ordinary Love

Words are spoken without sound. Warmth is felt without touch. Eyes exchange such meaning that it resonates around us. The smiles between us tell stories that everyone wants to hear, but only we share. There has never been another like this nor will there be again. A connection of one soul to another. So effortless and natural that we know it was just meant to be. An alignment of life to make the journey easier. To finally mean something to someone in an unconditional way. Each day growing more precious to one another. Becoming as important to each other as the air we breathe. There is such a beauty in a relationship like this that it takes your breath away just being a part of it. There is even more appreciation for every second shared. Time together passes too quickly. Time apart is always too long. The anxiousness of absence never changes. We feel completeness at the sound of each other’s voice and wholeness in each others presence. We continuously stand in awe and are thankful to realize that what we share is no ordinary love…

In the Shadows

Tears fall and my heart is filled with sorrow. My smile and laughter are absent, as are you. Yet you are still a part of my every breath. Our bond cannot be broken by this absence. We are connected without presence or words. My person, your voice of reason. Two souls that intertwine. I stay in the shadows as you take this journey to find answers, but still never leaving your side. I see you in the distance. Your face is troubled. Your smile is dim. Your laughter is silent. I want to run to you, but I mustn’t. You must do this on your own. You must exhaust all efforts in order to be free from what haunts you. This journey you take takes it’s toll on both of us. I understand its importance and hope it leaves you with clarity. I wait for the day to once again be able to look upon your face and see the light. Until then our memories will be my saving grace as I wait quietly in the shadows…

Love till my Last Breath

They say love is a many splendored thing. It brings joy, smiles and makes a heart feel like nothing else ever could. It is shared through affection, communication and understood quietness when you look at one another. It is amazing to be in the presence of. Enjoying even the simplest moments that others may take for granted and feeling the contentment of it all. In this life, I can say I have been lucky enough to share this with someone. One who excepts me as I am and puts back together all my brokenness. One who excepts my scars without judgement and completes me in a way that is solely his. I could never express in words his meaning in my life, but my actions will speak until I take my last breath…

~rambling~

You know everybody wants to find their place in this life, somewhere that they actually belong. A place that they know they matter and that brings joy to their soul. But sometimes is it really worth it finding that place and having it for only a temporary time and then having it taken away? It’s so devastating. It is almost better to just live on your own then to experience that type of loss.

Wander

Watching dead leaves blow by in the wind. Thinking how much I feel like that myself. Just so dead inside. A part of me is gone, but isn’t at the same time. The memories linger on. Smiles and tears conflict. I fight every day to make it through, but the hurt is none like I’ve ever known. My strength has become weak. I have a new understanding of consuming sadness. I pray for just one more memory. One more conversation. One more smile. One more day together. The chance to say what was left unsaid. The chance to burn the memory of your face into my soul. You have taken it all. All that made me feel whole. All that gave my heart joy. All that finally made me feel home. Now I wander lost once again…

Fade to Black

So terribly broken. Tears fall like rain. So empty inside yet full of so much sorrow at the same time. My heart is lifeless. My soul is walking aimlessly through what feels like the depths of hell. I look around my world for someway out. For some way to end the torture, but it is hopeless. My guardian is gone. I am left on my own. My strength is failing and I cry out for mercy. This burden that I bear fades everything to black. I have no understanding of what is bestowed on me. I question my purpose, my life. Is it worth even trying to go on? I matter so little and will hardly be missed. The wasted breaths taken can be stopped in an instant. The darkness will consume me for the last time. Burdens lifted and I can finally be at peace.

Just Lost

With you I cannot be who I am and feel proud anymore. I have to second-guess my every word, my every emotion, my every intention. My person is lost and so am I. What I thought I knew, all lies. My laughter, my smile, now replaced with tears and sadness. And oh the pain. The pain tears into my soul and drags me under to a place of hopeless darkness. I must find a way to let go in order to save myself. So much easier said than done. Let go of what I thought was forever. A friendship worth more than gold. A friendship so truly one of a kind. An understanding never needing to be spoken. A security to fight the biggest fear. Now replaced with something I cannot begin to explain. What happened? Why am I left in this painful emptiness with no explanation? Don’t you remember me?? Your cheering section, your strength when yours was running low, your encouragement, your voice of reason you always ran to, your unconditional everything. I am still me. I wish you were still you. In this absence, I hope you gain clarity and strength. I hope you realize your truths and what you want out of life. I want nothing more than complete happiness for you. A balance in this crazy life so that you always wear that beautiful smile with meaning. I want your soul to be at peace and your heart to be whole. I want you to cherish our memories as I will and never forget what we meant to each other.

Pieces

Trying to catch my breath and face this new reality. My life has suddenly become a movie of my past. Sorting through the memories one by one hoping to understand how I got here. I feel dazed and confused. Lost and broken. I cannot unlock the mystery of it. No ill intentions, no selfishness, no expectations. Excepting as is. Picking up pieces of a broken man and trying to put them back together one by one. Encouragement, patience, love and understanding given in hopes they could build inner strength to hold the pieces together. Sadly that was not the case. Somehow, in the moments of it all the strength began to give way and the pieces came crashing down. Blame was placed and BOTH are broken. Pieces everywhere. Pain, sadness, heartache. Too overwhelming to comprehend. Two hearts scream for mercy from this torment and pray for the understanding of how to start yet again to pick up the pieces…

The Gift

Sometimes you go through life looking for your place and acceptance. You are looking for something that completes you and allows you to know that you matter. Days, even years, pass with no real direction or worth. You get lost in all the cruelty that this world has bestowed upon you and slip farther into the darkness of regrets and emptiness. The journey seems so long and is torture with every breath taken. You nearly give up every day. No one truly knows your struggle nor would they understand if they did. Then one day you awaken to find the darkness has been replaced with a light like you have never known. A light that shines so bright and still lingers long after the one who has brought it is gone. In an instant, all the pieces start to fall in to place. Your life begins to have meaning, your heart begins to know joy and your soul finally rests quietly. In this moment you realize what a gift you have been given. You stand in awe of this magic and you begin to allow yourself to smile. You experience warmth and love. Your journey becomes one that you hope never ends. You vow to take advantage of every second and never one for granted. The giver knows not the depth of the gift, the receiver will never forget…