Just Lost

With you I cannot be who I am and feel proud anymore. I have to second-guess my every word, my every emotion, my every intention. My person is lost and so am I. What I thought I knew, all lies. My laughter, my smile, now replaced with tears and sadness. And oh the pain. The pain tears into my soul and drags me under to a place of hopeless darkness. I must find a way to let go in order to save myself. So much easier said than done. Let go of what I thought was forever. A friendship worth more than gold. A friendship so truly one of a kind. An understanding never needing to be spoken. A security to fight the biggest fear. Now replaced with something I cannot begin to explain. What happened? Why am I left in this painful emptiness with no explanation? Don’t you remember me?? Your cheering section, your strength when yours was running low, your encouragement, your voice of reason you always ran to, your unconditional everything. I am still me. I wish you were still you. In this absence, I hope you gain clarity and strength. I hope you realize your truths and what you want out of life. I want nothing more than complete happiness for you. A balance in this crazy life so that you always wear that beautiful smile with meaning. I want your soul to be at peace and your heart to be whole. I want you to cherish our memories as I will and never forget what we meant to each other.

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