So many things in this life are temporary. Even life itself. One thing, when it is real, will be with us until we take our last breath. It is ever present. It is a gift that gives so much more than words can explain. It becomes a part of who we are. It is seen by our expression and actions, felt by our heart and soul, heard through our laughter and tears. There will never be anything like it and it can never be replaced. It can only be understood by those who have experienced it. It is not tangible, rather an existence of paths that aline in just the right way in order for this gift to take place. It leaves you in awe and always thankful that you were chosen. It is truly unconditional, unfailing and unimaginable. This very precious gift becomes a permanent part of our journey. It is named by one simple word – LOVE.

I wish you could know what I know, feel what I feel and realize the total insaneness of it all. For a moment in time I was not alone. My cares were so few and my will could not be broken. My face finally told the story of purpose and happiness. I cherished every second and relived memories SO many times. All the while without knowing one day memories would be all I had. I see you now worn, tired. Still I take it all in, paying even closer attention to all that makes you you. Your voice, your presence – so bitter sweet. You leave me overwhelmed by emotion. Emotion you refuse to witness or believe in. Maybe because you are overwhelmed by your own as well. I caution you. Wise up, take nothing for granted. For one day you too may be left with nothing, but a memory.

You ask “How are you?” I answer “I miss my best friend.” What I’m really saying is I miss your smile and laughter. I miss the sound of your voice and it’s security. I miss our conversations, company and companionship. I miss knowing the things that are going on in your life and being there for each other. I miss having something to look forward to every day. I miss the depth of your eyes, the warmth of your heart, the unspokeness. I miss how I feel when you are in my life. There is no measure for the toll taken, but in the depth of it all my promise to you remains true, I will ALWAYS be right where you left me…

Please take my hand before I slip away. Before all of my strength is exhausted. I have held on for so long on my own, but I am so tired now. I feel my will breaking and my light going dim. This pain has become an inferno that is burning me to the core. My reality has turned into a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I know you see me. I know you feel my pain. I know you hear my screams. Why won’t you reach for me? Why must you turn away as if I am a stranger? Even a stranger deserves mercy. Does your lack of care make it easier for you to except the desolation you have bestowed on me? Live in your world. See things as you will. As I fade into ashes let the fire remind you of what I once was and what is still burning inside of you…

Words are spoken without sound. Warmth is felt without touch. Eyes exchange such meaning that it resonates around us. The smiles between us tell stories that everyone wants to hear, but only we share. There has never been another like this nor will there be again. A connection of one soul to another. So effortless and natural that we know it was just meant to be. An alignment of life to make the journey easier. To finally mean something to someone in an unconditional way. Each day growing more precious to one another. Becoming as important to each other as the air we breathe. There is such beauty in a relationship like this that it takes your breath away just being a part of it. There is even more appreciation for every second shared. Time together passes too quickly. Time apart is always too long. The anxiousness of absence never changes. We feel completeness at the sound of each other’s voice and wholeness in each others presence. We continuously stand in awe and are thankful to realize that what we share is no ordinary love…

Tears fall and my heart is filled with sorrow. My smile and laughter are absent, as are you. Yet you are still a part of my every breath. Our bond cannot be broken by this absence. We are connected without presence or words. My person, your voice of reason. Two souls that intertwine. I stay in the shadows as you take this journey to find answers, but still never leaving your side. I see you in the distance. Your face is troubled. Your smile is dim. Your laughter is silent. I want to run to you, but I mustn’t. You must do this on your own. You must exhaust all efforts in order to be free from what haunts you. This journey you take takes it’s toll on both of us. I understand its importance and hope it leaves you with clarity. I wait for the day to once again be able to look upon your face and see the light. Until then our memories will be my saving grace as I wait quietly in the shadows…

They say love is a many splendored thing. It brings joy, smiles and makes a heart feel like nothing else ever could. It is shared through affection, communication and understood quietness when you look at one another. It is amazing to be in the presence of. Enjoying even the simplest moments that others may take for granted and feeling the contentment of it all. In this life, I can say I have been lucky enough to share this with someone. One who excepts me as I am and puts back together all my brokenness. One who excepts my scars without judgement and completes me in a way that is solely his. I could never express in words his meaning in my life, but my actions will speak until I take my last breath…

You know everybody wants to find their place in this life, somewhere that they actually belong. A place that they know they matter and that brings joy to their soul. But sometimes is it really worth it finding that place and having it for only a temporary time and then having it taken away? It’s so devastating. It is almost better to just live on your own then to experience that type of loss.

Watching dead leaves blow by in the wind. Thinking how much I feel like that myself. Just so dead inside. A part of me is gone, but isn’t at the same time. The memories linger on. Smiles and tears conflict. I fight every day to make it through, but the hurt is none like I’ve ever known. My strength has become weak. I have a new understanding of consuming sadness. I pray for just one more memory. One more conversation. One more smile. One more day together. The chance to say what was left unsaid. The chance to burn the memory of your face into my soul. You have taken it all. All that made me feel whole. All that gave my heart joy. All that finally made me feel home. Now I wander lost once again…

So terribly broken. Tears fall like rain. So empty inside yet full of so much sorrow at the same time. My heart is lifeless. My soul is walking aimlessly through what feels like the depths of hell. I look around my world for someway out. For some way to end the torture, but it is hopeless. My guardian is gone. I am left on my own. My strength is failing and I cry out for mercy. This burden that I bear fades everything to black. I have no understanding of what is bestowed on me. I question my purpose, my life. Is it worth even trying to go on? I matter so little and will hardly be missed. The wasted breaths taken can be stopped in an instant. The darkness will consume me for the last time. Burdens lifted and I can finally be at peace.